I’m home… wow. That familiar aching in the pit of my stomach for memories long gone that can never be retrieved surprised me as our car rolled into town. Hills and trees, streets, parks, downtown, memories. I miss them so much…

If I ever make it to heaven, I hope one thing everyone will be able to do is to replay any moment in their life. You can replay that favorite birthday party, that night alone by the river, that time spent with that significant someone, that first public speaking moment, that night at church camp, that high school dance, that prank you pulled. My past echoes, faint and faraway, and the aches I feel whisper rumors of what it is that I really long for… hope that I can be a new person, that thousands of memories are still yet to be made, and that there is something grander than this life.

If I listen closely to those aches and whispers I notice that they aren’t simply for the past or for the future, but also for the present. What kind of man am I? What kind of life am I leading today? Is it a life of love, of spending myself on behalf of people who long to be loved? That’s the ache. I ache, longing to live a life today that is nobler and more mature then those memories past, all the while creating new ones everyday.

Why does it all have to seem so lonely? Isn’t that where the memories come from…relationships? Where is everybody?

I’m excited for this weekend home in Kansas… it will be a good time to listen to my soul.

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One thought on “

  1. yikes. only 12 hours and i’m back in the land of oz. i’m kind-of glad that i’m not going back “home” (wichita) … not sure if i’m ready for that this weekend.

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