We all go through stages of life where we feel directionless. I’m in one of those stages right now.

The worst place a person can be is when they aren’t living a missional life. I’m not. But I want to be. I just don’t know what that means for me. I know what its supposed to mean, and I could impress a lot of people by talking about it, but I just haven’t found out what that means for me, here, and now. I want to be on mission. I want to wake up every day with something to accomplish, a task before me, people to engage, and problems to solve. I’m questioning everything right now… my job, my friends, my desires.

I feel like Jacob who had a dream about God’s greatest dream for the world… angels ascending and descending from heaven, his glorious people claiming what is rightfully theirs, and all the nations of the world being blessed through them… and when he wakes up there’s this feeling of emptiness, to which Jacob says to himself “Surely the Lord was in this place, and I was not aware of it.”

I don’t want to reach the end of my life, or even the middle twenty years from now, and have this feeling that God was all over the place all throughout my life, but I was not aware. Where can I find God, I wonder in this moment. What is He doing in this world? What decisions to I need to make in order to be living my life by faith?

These questions keep me going, and I wait in eager expectation to hear the voice of truth that directs me where to go.


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