I once read about something Max DePree said that is pretty relevant to my life situation right now: “the older I get,” he said, “the more I realize that we can only control what matters very little.” I’m realizing a lot about myself now I have given up the ‘power’ over insignificant things that I once got so much security from. Becoming more self-aware is a crazy journey. Understanding and dissecting your own heart and motives is like the work of a private detective hired to dig and dig investigating a crime only to realize that the truth might have been better left hidden. As painful as the truth can sometimes be, it is always accompanied by freedom, and that’s what compels me to walk this trail.
Someone asked me a question that I was surprised to hear, because its one that I used to ask people, thinking it was original: “if life was a story, and you were to title the chapter of life that you are on right now, what would you call it?” I thought for a moment, then answered: “I would call it restoration.” I believe that God is “restoring my soul,” helping me to see what’s really there and sort through all the masks I wear. He’s restoring my ability to approach people with grace, to enjoy life, have fun, and laugh, my desire to gaze into the “perfect law that gives freedom,” and reminding me of the grand truths of scripture, that my identity, confidence, and calling come not from the smiles and frowns of men or my own efforts or successes, but from what has already been declared to be true about me on a basic level.
The truth that I am a part of a “people belonging to God.” That he has lavished so great a love upon me that I should be called one of his sons. The truth that the blood of Jesus works. That my sin has already been taken care of. That I already have “everything I need for godliness.” That God has begun a good work in me and will carry it on to completion. That I have the same power by which God raised Jesus from the dead coursing through my veins through the Holy Spirit. That God speaks to people and wants to speak to me. That I don’t have to be afraid because he has given me authority to speak the words that need to be spoken. That I have an eternal dwelling prepared for me in heaven, and that I am a citizen of heaven. That I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about these things.” Phil. 4:8
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever!” Eph. 3:20