Its 8:23 a.m. My flight left Phoenix this morning at 6. That means I was out of bed at 3:45.
I worked all day yesterday, buffing silverware, learning about Sichuan dishes, bok choy tomatoes, wok-seared lamb, and the like at P.F. Chang’s. It was funny… in the middle of my shift a kid walked in the kitchen. He looked vaguely familiar.
“Luke!” he exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”
“Hey… uh, man! I got a job here…”
After a few minutes I realized that he was a student in the youth ministry last year at CCV. He’d been to CIY, a couple of our other events, etc. Dave, the guy who was training me, left me with Dwight to show me how to run the window (thanks Dwight if you’re reading this).
I went from being a high school pastor of a large youth ministry to working a part-time job that high-schoolers are better at than me 🙂 … and I’m OK with that. Most people work their way UP the ladder of success. I’m fine with climbing down a few rungs.
I can’t help but wonder to myself, sitting here in the airport on my way to New Orleans, on a trip that I’m not sure what the purpose is, Luke, what are you doing with your life?
Truth is, I’m trying to find my way… that means I’m lost. But not lost in the sense that anyone needs to worry about me. I’m lost in the sense that I’d rather be lost right now. That probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but for a long time being “found” has been my undoing. Taking charted courses, and well traveled trails has left me with a surprising emptiness… an unspeakable longing of which to tell of words wouldn’t be enough. What do I long for? Nonetheless, the path chosen for me I’m afraid will not satisfy those longings, I’m afraid.
There is something wild within me… and most people would call me stupid or crazy or unfocused or undisciplined.
I hope they’re not right.
I sense its more than that. I hope its more than that.
What am I doing?