Those who know me well know that I’ve never been a natural with the ladies. It is something I’ve had to fail through and learn through … how to treat women, how to talk to them, how to help them feel comfortable. Most of my friends are guys. I grew up around guys. My family has more men in it than women. I’ve never really known how to have female friendships until recently. Its not a lack of confidence, no, its just a lack of competence… “chick logic” as one of my friends calls it is a foreign language for me. To drastically understate it, I’m clueless…
Most guys are.
Sure there are a few that have a few tricks up their sleeves and seem to have all the right things to say… their timing seems perfect and their demeanor is smooth. Those are the manipulative guys… they want physical payoff, and are just better at playing the game than others.
But most of us just … well … don’t know what we’re doing. We’re visual. We see women that we are attracted to and we either go for it or we don’t.
That’s what today’s quick reflection is about: going for it. All of my favorite Hollywood movies contain some example of a guy who went for it.
…when Will Hunting leaves town because he had to “see about a girl.”
…when Scot Pilgrim takes on the 7 evil ex-boyfriends in pursuit of Romona Flowers.
…when Ignacio asks Incarnacion to come and join him in his quarters for some toast in Nacho Libre.
…when Charlie Kenton in Real Steel drives halfway across the country just for a kiss from Bailey Tallet.
…when Lloyd Christmas goes to great lengths to return Mary Swanson’s briefcase… “so you’re telling me there’s a chance?!”
Written into all the greatest stories of hollywood and history is the archetype of the man who is willing to fight for a woman. This desire to fight for something comes from the core thing that makes us men: At the center of the masculine journey is wanting something…having a goal or focus or cause or purpose or destination. The holiness of romance isn’t complete unless the man is clear on what he wants, and the woman clearly feels wanted.
So, men, go for it. The crisis of extended adolescence in our culture could probably be summed up in the fact that too many young men are unclear in regards to what they want. This is not just true vocationally, its true in virtually every area… in relationships, in finances, in a job, in a marriage, in life. Part of being a man, in my opinion, is the willingness to make decisions and to move forward in line with those decisions and values amidst uncertainty.
Maybe she will reject you. Probably. Who cares. You are a man. You were created to fight for things that matter. You were created to protect. You were meant to act courageously … even in the face of possible failure. So flippin’ go for it. Ask her out.
But if you’re perceptive you’ll realize this post is about more than just asking out a girl. Its about choosing to be a man and choosing to take responsibility first for yourself, and then for others around you… to take care of them, to provide for them, to fight for them when necessary, and to die for them. This post is about shutting off the XBOX, about getting your work done, about being smart with your money, about blocking your computer from pornography, about turning off the TV, about going back to school in order to get a better job, about taking some risks, about having some hard conversations, about honoring women enough to do some work in order to show them that they are wanted. Its about letting God speak into your insecurity and remind you of the strength that he created you with as a man.
I’ve asked out seven girls in my life. Four of them have said yes and we dated for awhile. They were all awesome people that taught me a lot about what it means to be a godly woman. They had an impact on me for the better, and none of it would have happened if I hadn’t gone for it. Getting rejected sucks, it does, but hopefully you will get to the point where the fear of a missed opportunity is greater than the fear of failure.
So I say “Go for it.”